


Set Yourself on Fire

by christchex



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 13:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17868290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/christchex/pseuds/christchex
Summary: Where Alex and Michael meet seven years after high school in another state.





	Set Yourself on Fire

**Author's Note:**

> Title and general inspiration for this fic comes from the song [ Your Ex-Lover is Dead by Stars](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5Or6-HOveg). I listened to it and thought "ok but what if they ran into each other somewhere in the last ten years."
> 
> ...two and a half weeks later I finally finished it. Oops.
> 
> Big thanks to [BeStillMySlashyHeart](http://bestillmyslashyheart.tumblr.com) for helping me work through this. She also beta'd half of it, so the other half is full of my mistakes.

_“When there’s nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire...”_

* * *

 

No matter how long he has been out of Roswell, Alex is still overwhelmed by cities. They were more crowded than any place in Roswell could even try to be. The desert wasn’t always five minutes away. There were also more than a handful of options for going out, which was a nice change from the tourist trap bars at home.

They were going out tonight, Alex and a few of his friends from his squadron. They had a few days before they shipped back out, and Rogers insisted on going out and taking Alex with him. 

“I refuse to go back before we’ve gotten you trashed Manes,” Rogers had said the night before. “I refuse. You need more fun in your life.”

Alex did not necessarily agree. He had enough fun in his life, or as much as he was willing to have. Alex did not join the Air Force for fun, he didn’t do a lot of things for fun anymore. It was one of many things that Alex left in the past. 

Alex stood outside the bar and waited for the remainder of his squad mates. Roger stood next to him, cigarette in his mouth. Roger blew out smoke as he turned to Alex. 

“I told you Carson was bringing a friend, right? Some guy he knows from a nerd forum or something.” 

“You mentioned. More than once. I’m a little concerned about why you keep bringing it up...” Alex looked over at Rogers, instead of keeping an eye out of the others. Alex was a little afraid of what kind of fun Rogers had in mind.

“Don’t freak out man. But Carson told me his friend was hot and also into guys. And you definitely need to get laid.” Alex could only shake his head. Of fucking course this was what Rogers had in mind. Rogers continued. “Apparently he’s from the middle of nowhere New Mexico too and he’s up here visiting a sister or something. He’s looking for a good time too.”

“I’m not interested Rogers.”

“You aren’t interested in anything Manes. You need to let live a little, you’ll die early if you never let loose.”

Alex just shook his head again. Really, Alex should have seen this coming.

“You’re meeting the guy anyway. Just don’t write him off before you meet him. Maybe have some fucking fun for once.”

Their conversation was cut off by loud, male voices from down the street. Their squadron were not known for being quiet. The group of men came down the street, eight of them in total. Alex saw his squad mates and a curly head that he could never forget.

Alex stilled. His eyes had to be lying, betraying him. There was no way that Michael Guerin was in the same city as Alex was, in Arizona no less. There was no reason for Michael Guerin to be anywhere near Alex. Michael Guerin should have been far away, at some prestigious school studying things that confused Alex in high school and still confused him now. At the very least, Michael Guerin should be on his way to a job in astrophysics or something. Not outside a bar in Scottsdale, Arizona with a bunch of airmen and his high school boyfriend. Or not boyfriend. They never really discussed it, other than to say that it was over.

Alex was still frozen. He could barely hear his friends over the panic of seeing Michael Guerin again.

“Yo,” Carson said as the group finally reached the entrance. “Rogers, Manes, this is my friend Michael.” He threw his arm around Guerin’s shoulder. “He’s a major nerd, but he’s good people. Michael, this is Rogers and Manes. You should feel honored that Manes came out with us tonight. He never does anything fun.”

Through the introductions Michael did not take his eyes off Alex. His gaze hurt just as much now as it did seven years ago.

Rogers broke the spell first.

“Nice to meet you man,” he said with a smile and a hand held out in invitation. “Carson said you’re in town to visit your sister?”

Guerin’s eyes briefly flickered to Carson’s face when he replied. “Basically my sister, she acts like it anyway. We grew up together. Just here for her graduation from law school.”

Alex was surprised Michael answered at all, instead of deflecting the question like he would have in high school. He’d always done anything to avoid revealing personal information or answering questions honestly. Apparently, things have changed since then.

Rogers and Guerin made small talk about Isobel. Guerin kept in contact with the Evans twins and severed all contact with Alex, of course he did. The thought that it was his own damn fault barely registered at all.

Just when he thought he and Guerin would spend the evening mostly ignoring each other, he heard Guerin mention the drive from Roswell.

“You’re from Roswell? Shit!” Rogers had explained and turned to look at Alex. Still, Alex only looked at Guerin as his eyes went hard, and his stupid fucking smirk made a reappearance. Before Rogers could say something else, Guerin cut him off.

“Oh yeah, I’m from Roswell. Manes and I go way back… don’t we Alex?” His tone told Alex that he was not in for a night of awkward but sustainable distance. No, he would be in for a night of sniping and Michael fucking Guerin being a little shit. Some things never change.

Carson noticed the difference in his friend’s tone. “You guys ok?” His question directed at Michael and quiet enough that the others could not hear it. Alex had to strain to hear him.

“Yeah, man. Promise,” Guerin had responded with a shake of his head. He didn’t expand on it, and Alex was grateful. His friends knew a lot about him, but they did not need to know about his high school drama.

Rogers and Guerin went back to talking about less fraught topics as the group finally made their way into the bar. They found a group of tables in the back of the cramped space where they could congregate. There weren’t enough chairs, but the majority of the guys seemed to want to stand around the tables anyway.

The group spread out, some going to the bar to order, some staying at the tables to stake their claim. Alex watched as Carson, Rogers, and Guerin walked up to the bar. They continued to talk as they waited for the bartender. Alex wished he went with them, just so he could hear what Guerin was saying. He was a little afraid of what Guerin could be saying.

The last time they saw each other did not end well.

Three men returned from the bar, Guerin with an extra beer in his hand.

“Here,” he said to Alex as he handed him the beer. 

“Thanks,” Alex replied as he carefully took the beer from Guerin, avoiding his hand as he did so. 

He bit his lips and avoided Alex’s eyes. Rogers and Carson had already taken the seats opposite Alex, leaving the seat next to Alex free. He sat down. It was quiet, despite the noise of the bar. No one spoke as they took sips from their bottles, Alex and Guerin looking uncomfortable while Carson and Rogers looked on.

“Okay.” Carson broke the silence. “You two knew each other in high school? Michael, you have to tell us what this asshole was like, he won’t tell us anything!”

“Yeah Michael, we need to know,” Rogers leaned across the table, smirk on his face. “Was Manes here always so uptight?”

“Oh I bet he was on student counsel, right?”

Guerin gave Alex a confused look.

“And he got perfect attendance every year.”

The small smile that had been on Alex’s face slowly faded. He refused to meet Michael’s eyes.

“He had to been in the AFJROTC.”

Guerin towards Carson and Rogers and asked slowly, “Why do you think that?”

Carson and Rogers exchange a look.

“No way man,” Carson said, disbelief evident in his voice. “There is no way that Manes was anything besides the perfect little soldier.”

“Perfect little soldier?” Michael’s voice was acidic. “The Alex Manes I knew was anything but.”

“Guerin…” Alex tried to interrupt.

“I think he spent more time in detention than he did in class. He spent more time playing his guitar than he did anything else, except maybe skateboarding.”

“And how would you know Guerin? I don’t remember you doing anything besides studying and asking the physics teacher for extra assignments.”

“Really Alex? You can’t remember anything else I was possibly doing?”

Alex didn’t respond. He just sat there, next to Michael Guerin, glaring.

“Holy. Shit.” Rogers interrupted. “Alex Manes was a rebel.”

“Oh, total rebel,” Michael smiled. “You know he got into a fight at prom?”

Alex could not leave that one alone. “You were in that fight too.”

“Yeah, but I tried to break it up. Can’t blame this one on me Manes.” He turned his attention back to Carson and Rogers. “Does he still only listen to depressing emo shit, or has he finally developed good taste in music?”

“Holy shit,” Rogers said one more time. “Manes, it’s like I don’t even fucking know you.”

“Yeah,” Michael agreed, steel in his voice. “It’s almost like you’re a completely different person.”

“Don’t you dare start Guerin,” Alex murmured. 

“Okay, enough about Manes,” Rogers interrupted. “We’ve been hearing about you for what feels like years now Michael- Carson’s crazy smart internet friend who works on a ranch and solves complex math problems for fun.”

“You work on a ranch?” Alex couldn’t contain his surprise.

“Yeah,” Michael confirmed, refusing to acknowledge Alex’s outburst. “Was a mechanic for a while, but once the position at the ranch opened up, I took it. Still do some work here and there, some consultation for my academic contacts, you know.” 

“No offense man,” Roger said, “but I’ve seen some of the shit you’ve done, it’s impressive. How did you end up as a ranch hand and not at like, MIT or some shit?”

Alex was curious about that too. The Michael he knew had plans that did not end with him still in Roswell.

“Same old sad story, you know. Aged out of the foster system, didn’t have the support to go to college even with the scholarships, do the paperwork. They don’t exactly prepare you for all that stuff once you join the glamorous world of adulthood.”

Michael was blasé about the whole thing, said the facts with a shrug and wry grin. He was willing to share personal details with a stranger, something he never would have done with Alex back in high school. He never told him he was having issues with his emancipation. Honestly, he never told Alex much, not when Alex asked.

“Carson! Rogers! Help us settle something!” A voice called from across the bar.

“We’ll leave you guys to catch up more,” Rogers said as he clasped Alex on the shoulder.

“We’ll be back as soon as we see what Persons wants, ok man?” Carson directed at Michael, who nodded his head.

The two sat in silence. What was there to say after seven years of silence?

“So…” Alex’s voice wavered. “You work on a ranch now?”

“Yeah,” Guerin replied, gaze planted at the empty seats in front of him

“Not what I expected really… and you have gotten over that whole never-answer-a-question thing apparently.”

“Really Alex, you’re complaining that I’m making conversation with your squadron?”

“No Guerin, I’m complaining that you wouldn’t tell me a damn thing in high school, but you have no problems telling a stranger now.”

Michael finally turned to look at Alex. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes could barely contain his fury.

“I don’t think you get to bring up anything from high school, Manes. Not when I just sat here and listened to your friends tell me how you’re a completely different person. You want to bitch to me about holding shit in? Why don’t your friends know the first thing about you?”

“I put all that behind me when I left.”

“You put all that behind you when your father said ‘jump’ and you did. Finally trying to be his perfect soldier, huh? Gonna be a real Manes Man?”

This time it was Alex couldn’t meet Guerin’s eye. His lips pursed into a white line as his eyes burned holes into the table.

“Who are you Alex? Because I don’t think I you know and I sure as shit don’t anymore.”

“Honestly? I’m not sure we ever really knew each other.” Alex’s tone turned harsh.

“I never lied to you Alex,” Michael’s own voice hardened in response.

“You just wouldn’t tell me the truth. You were a terrible liar then Guerin, and I’m sure you’re a terrible liar now. I always knew.”

“So was I lying when I said I didn’t want you to go?”

“Guerin that’s not fair…”

“Was I lying when I said I just wanted to be with you, and then you left anyway?”

“You know why I had to leave.”

“I’m not the one who ruined this Alex.”

“No,” Alex’s voice lost all its anger. “No,” his words were softly, barely audible over the buzz of the bar. “No, but you never did anything to fix it either.”

Michael schooled his features into bland disregard, but his eyes were watery.

“Yeah, yeah you’re right,” his voice could barely contain his emotions. Michael made to stand up. “I’m gonna go. Can’t say this was the best evening of my life, but at least we both know it wasn’t the worst.”

Alex sighed. “Michael, please.” 

He reached out his hand to stop Michael’s movement. His hand brushed Michael’s left hand, the one that was broken almost beyond repair when they were teenagers. Alex closed his eyes at the memory but controlled himself. As Michael said, they had both been through worse. He closed his hand around Michael’s, and they stayed there, silent.

Michael stared at Alex, eyes confused and guarded. For the first time all evening, Alex held his gaze.

“I ship out tomorrow,” Alex’s voice broke the silence between them. “I don’t want our only conversation in seven years to be another fight.”

“I’m pretty sure all I know is how to flight. I don’t have much left Alex.”

“We don’t have to burn every bridge we come to.”

“I’ve gotten pretty good at that too.”

Alex didn’t know how to respond to that. 

“I didn’t expect this Alex. I’m not sure I would have come at all if I knew that I’d see you. It still hurts.”

“It still hurts me too.”

They continued to look at each other. The masks they wore all evening finally down, the facades falling until it was just the two, scared boys they once were.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry to disappoint, there is no Chad in this. We can pretend one of the airmen is named Chad...


End file.
